Realizing (I lost her)
by Sakura Maxwell
Summary: Sequel to A Love That Will Never Be from Ayame Takaishi. Love the fic! Well, Takeru find Hikari. Takeru remorses! Takeru learns of..uh.. SOMETHING! Tada! R&R please!
1. Find

Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon, do not sue me. This is merely for entertainment, nothing else.  
Warnings: Death  
Rating: PG-13  
Note: Sequel to Ayame Takaishi's "A Love That Will Never Be".  
  
Realizing (I lost her)  
One-Find  
by Sakura Maxwell   
  
I snap my eyes open as I awaken from my sleep suddenly. What is this sudden burst of ice coldness I feel in bones? I hear two fragile words in my mind, in my heart.  
  
"Aishiteru, Takeru.."  
  
That voice.. The small, gentle voice.. I recognize it.  
  
"Hikari..?" I whisper aloud. I shake my head. "No, it's just my imagination.." I sigh; the words don't convince me at all. I push myself from my suddenly cold bed and change into pants and a white shirt. Running my hand through my hair, I quietly slip out of the apartment and get into my car.   
  
Starting the engine, I wonder why I heard Hikari's voice. I mean, we're friends. Why would she tell me that she.. Well.. That she loved me..? I don't understand this at all. I pull out of the parking stall and drive to Hikari's apartment. I park outside and run into the elevator that takes me up to her floor.  
  
I knock on her door.   
  
I hear nothing.  
  
"Hikari!" I call softly. It's only ten at night. But I don't want to wake anyone. "Hikari!" I knock again. Where is she? She shouldn't be out at this time of night.. I try the doorknob and find it unlocked. Why was she so careless as to leave her door unlocked? I walk inside slowly and close the door behind me.   
  
"Hikari..?" I ask. "Where are you?" The house is all dark. Maybe she's sleeping? Maybe I dreamed the whole thing. I must have. But I am still unsure. I pass the silent kitchen and walk into the small living room. "Hikari..?"  
  
Nothing.  
  
I go into the hall.  
  
Nothing.  
  
Bathroom.  
  
Nothing.  
  
Bedroom.  
  
Nothing.  
  
I lean against the wall and rub my temples. "Where the hell could she be?" I ask myself. "I've checked everywhere." Wait, I didn't. I didn't check the kitchen. But why? She shouldn't be in there. I think..  
  
I go over and flip the kitchen light on. My eyes widen at what I see.   
  
She's on the tile floor in a sitting position. Her head is lowered and I can see a pool of blood surrounding her. I see a sharp knife across from her, and it's stained red.   
  
"Hikari.." I whisper. It's not true, it's not true, it's not true! Hikari wouldn't do something like that! But even so, my gaze in fixated upon her still, lifeless body. No! She's not lifeless! She can't be! Hikari isn't that kind of person! She would never..! I'm staring at her so much I almost miss the small piece of paper on the kitchen counter.  
  
Shaking, I reach over and grab it. There is a paper under it. ...The invitation I sent her. Why is it here..? And what's under it.. A note..  
  
I'm sorry.. Gomen nasai, minna-san. I'm so, so sorry.. But.. I just can't get over this anymore. I've ignored and ignored but I can't anymore.. I couldn't.. I know I have disappointed you all, but please.. At least I won't have to endure all of the burdens I carried.. Gomen, Okaasan, Otousan.. Gomen, Tai..   
Takeru.. I..hope.. I hope you're not sad.. You wouldn't be, right..? You love Angel. I guess.. I.. I hope you two.. Gomen nasai.. Takeru..  
Hikari  
I stare at the note in my hand. She was crying..when she wrote this.. There are tear marks all over this paper.. So.. So.. Our friendship meant more to her than I thought.. Hikari.. I turn to look at her still body. The light I could see isn't shining anymore..  
  
I drop both papers and kneel down by Hikari, not caring abiut the blood seeping through my jeans. "Hikari.." I wrap my arms around her fragile body and hug her tightly, buring my head in her chest. "Hikari.. I'm sorry.. I never knew.. Please forgive me.."  
  
"Hikari!"  
  
-  
  
Author Note- So? How was it? Sucked? I know! Oh well! I just HAD to write a sequel to Ayame's "A Love That Will Never Be"!! It was so good! It was a bit short, but I liked it!! So, Ayame, is this good enough?? Ne, ne?!   
  
R&R please!! Arigatou, minna-san!! 


	2. Thoughts

Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon, do not sue me. This is merely for entertainment, nothing else.   
Warnings: Shounen-ai implications (taito)  
Rating: PG-13  
Note: Forgot to say, although it SHOULD be obvious... This, and the first chapter, is all Takeru POV! And all of the chapters will be Takeru POV! Okay! I think.. o.O;;..!  
  
Realizing (I lost her)  
Two-Thoughts  
by Sakura Maxwell  
  
Tai is standing next to Hikari's coffin with a sad face. Tears are slowly falling from his eyes onto the floor. Yamato walks over and comforts Tai by putting his hand on his shoulder and squeezing it gently.   
  
The service is already over, the one for Hikari. Through the whole thing Tai cried. Mr. and Mrs. Kamiya cried also. I just sat there next to Angel, not paying attention. My mind was elsewhere, and I think Angel noticed. But I didn't care. My thoughts are still looming over my head. And what she said..  
  
"Aishiteru, Takeru.."  
  
I look down. What did she mean by that? I mean, she loved me. I know that.. I wish she would've told me sooner. I would've tried to let her understand that the love she feels for me was just a..sibling kind of love? ..Right? Wasn't it? Wasn't I like a big brother and best friend to her? Since Tai had his work and Yamato had work too, we had done things together. But.. Why couldn't she tell me that she loved me? ..Wait, she didn't love that way! Stop thinking like this, Takeru! I grip the bouquet of flowers I got earlier.  
  
I look up at Tai and Yamato and watch them walk away. Alright, my turn, I guess. I step up to Hikari's coffin and place a hand on the smooth wood. "Hikari," I whisper, "I'm sorry.. I know you're probably sick of me saying sorry to you all the time, but I know, this is my fault. I'm the reason you..died. It's all my fault, and I take full responsiblity. I don't know what you're going to do, but if you're going to curse me or anything, just know that I'm willing to pay the price."   
  
I place the bouquet of flowers on Hikari's hands, which are crossed over her heart. "Please, Hikari," I say, "I hope you're in a happy place now.. At least you won't suffer anymore.. Hikari, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..! I wish I could've comforted you, I wish I could've been there to stop you.." Tears brim my eyes and I make no move to stop them from sliding down my cheek. "Gomen nasai, Hikari."  
  
-  
  
Author Note- Agh! It's a curse! My chapters for all of my series are getting shorter and shorter!! Why IS that?! x_x;; Oh well.. Anyway, I know this sucks, and you're probably ready to send me flames or throw garbage on my head, but please.. Don't. -_-... Not until I finish this series (if I ever do before I die, which, in that case, would be an absolute MIRACLE).  
  
R&R minna-san! Arigatou! 


	3. Ballistic

Realizing I Lost Her

Three- Ballistic

by Sakura Maxwell

"Ne, Takeru.." Angel's soft voice says as she wraps both arms around my neck. "How about we go to the beach? It'll be relaxing there.."

I ignore her, eyes fixated on the T.V. screen, but not really watching. Hikari.. It's been a month since she killed herself.. Tai, with the help and encouragement of Yamato, was able to recover. His parents.. I think they're pretty okay, sort of. I would be devastated if my child committed suicide.. 

"Takeru..? Are you alright? Honey..?"

I squeeze my eyes shut. Shut up, shut up, shut up.. I keep repeating in my head. Her voice has become so annoying and sickly sweet that it's driving me absolutely nuts. I can't stand it anymore! 

Her arms leave me and I sigh in relief. Then I flinch as I find her face in front of mine.

"Takeru, dear, when are we going to have our wedding?" she asks, eyes serious. I blink. "Wedding?" I echo. She nods. "Yes, our wedding. You put it off for how long just because Hikari died. Haven't you gotten over that yet?" I blink, at a loss for words, then narrow my eyes. "It's hard to get over one of your best friends' death, *_Angel_*.." I hiss. 

Angel doesn't flinch a bit. "Takeru, I'm sure Hikari wouldn't want you to mope around forever like this. She'd want us to get married. Didn't you mention she saying that in her little letter before she went and killed herself?"

Something in my mind clicks. The way she said that.. How carelessly.. As if it meant nothing.. As if Hikari's death was nothing..

I snatch her shirt and pull her closer to me, so that our faces are not even an inch away. "How dare you talk about Hikari's death as if it meant nothing," I hiss with hatred, then fling her away from me and get up, stalking towards the door.

"Takeru!" she yells. "You're acting like you *_love_* her or something!!"

I stop.

"..You.. You..*_do_* love her.." Angel mumbles in shock. I turn around and see her wide eyes staring at me. "I guess I do," I say emotionlessly, then turn around and open the door.

"No, you bastard!" Angel screams, and tackles me into the door. I hit it hard, and wince. What the fuck is she doing?!

"You fucking *_liar_*!!" she shrieks, getting up and running into my room. I stare at her, then follow when I hear the sound of crashing.

"What the hell are you doing?!" I demand, standing in my doorway. She's rampaging through all my drawers.. "HEY!"

She whips around, holding up a picture and a letter in her hand. Hate is burning in her eyes; her other hand is balled in a fist and shaking madly. Blood trickles from her palm onto the carpet.

Then I turn my gaze to the picture and gasp. Hikari!

"This!" Angel snarls, gripping the photo and letter so hard they crumple by her fingers, "How long have you been hiding this?!"

I stare at her, not answering.

"You *_asshole_*!" she screams, stalking towards me.

I stare speechless.

"Answer me!!" she says, on the verge of losing it. She roughly shoves the photo and letter in my face.

It's the letter Hikari wrote.

"You *_lying_, _back-stabbing, cheating* _JERK! You've been with her, haven't you?!" she accuses.

I rip the letters from her grasp and hold them at my side. "Angel, you have no right to accuse me of doing such a thing," I say as calmly as I can while glaring daggers at her. "For all I know, you could be--"

"No wonder Hikari went and killed herself!" Angel suddenly exclaims coolly as if understanding everything, turning around and walking back towards the drawer with her arms up at her sides. "She knew you were cheating when she realized you had *_me, too*_." She glances back at me with smirking eyes. "Oh, the poor girl.. She didn't know what to do so she just ended the pain *_caused*_--"

"SHUT UP!"

Her eyebrows rise, the smirk still there.

I'm shaking with rage. "How *_dare*_ you accuse me of causing Hikari's death! As if you would know *_anything*_ about her! I did not have a relationship with her, but you know what, I wish I had instead of going with you because I know what kind of bitch you can be, you no good for nothing piece of cra--"

"She loved you, but you turned your back to her, is it?"

My eyes widen.

The gleam returns to Angel's eyes. "You turned your back to her, and because of that, she killed herself. Isn't that right? That's what your saying."

I stare, the words stabbing me like a thousand daggers. I.. I turned my back to her..? But..

__

I'm sorry.. Gomen nasai, minna-san. I'm so, so sorry.. But.. I just can't get over this anymore. I've ignored and ignored but I can't anymore.. I couldn't.. I know I have disappointed you all, but please.. At least I won't have to endure all of the burdens I carried.. Gomen, Okaasan, Otousan.. Gomen, Tai.. 

Takeru.. I..hope.. I hope you're not sad.. You wouldn't be, right..? You love Angel. I guess.. I.. I hope you two.. Gomen nasai.. Takeru..

Hikari

Oh my God..

She's right.

I *_did*_ turn my back to Hikari.

She tried to push it away but I..

..didn't notice at all…

Shaking.

I'm shaking.

Why?

..I'm..

..scared…

I..

I…murdered her…

I..

I murdered Hikari…

Oh God, no…

"The truth hurts, doesn't, hon?" Angel says with a sick satisfied voice. "But all is forgiven; I won't tell a soul if you just come back with me…"

She's right.

"Just forget Hikari."

I should.

"Come."

I..

I love Angel, right?

Isn't that why Hikari died?

"I love you, honey."

She loves me.

That's enough, right?

Right?

"Aishiteru, Takeru.."

.. _'Aishiteru, Takeru..' _?

"_Aishiteru, Takeru.._" ?

That voice.

Hikari.

"Takeru-babe," Angel whispers, coming closer. Her hands are on my arms. She's too close. Too close.

"Get away from me, you witch," I snarl, roughly escaping her grasp.

Angel stares wide eyed, then her face changes to that of a crazed, very pissed off savage.* "How *_dare*_ you…"

"How dare *_you*_ try to fuck with my mind!" I hiss angrily, grabbing her arm and slamming her into my drawer. I get up and start towards the door. I turn back at her and, with a dangerous tone, say, "Rest assured if you had gone too far, you would have knives stabbed all over your body," then leave.

-

* - haha, a savage! haha!! XD

-

Okay, that was really screwed up, sorry. Wee hee! We got the new puter up an' running! …Except my dad won't let me go on the internet today and yesterday because he might get an important call from his work bossy dude…thing. Boss. Haha XP

6.9.02


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